In NoMa:

“Someone get Taylor Swift to rebuild the Baltimore Bridge because she is an engineer and architect of bridges.”

Little kid to his mom at DCA:

“Can you fly from Dulles to Reagan?”

At Bullfeathers:

“You heading out?”

“Nah I’ll stay for another drink the floor in my apartment building is being raided by SWAT to get a wanted person apparently.”

Maryland’s Official Sexual Harassment Policy in WordArt

Tourist walking by the National Archives:

'And that's where Nicholas Cage stole the Declaration of Independence.'

At GWU:

Rugby Guy: “I may be a communist but I work for a Democrat.”

Friend: “Dude you’re a communist?”

Rugby Guy: “No, I got a hammer and sickle tattoo as a joke!”

In Georgetown:

“OK so you’re telling me you have a PhD and can’t figure out how to use Blackboard?!”

At Hellbender Brewing, drunk guy mansplaining local politics to two women:

“Go to ANC meetings. You have to listen to everyone bitching but that’s your chance to meet the mayor.”

At Georgetown:

“Oh no, I just lost a bet.”

“On sports?”

“No, on US inflation print.”

At the corner of 19th and K during rush hour, MD driver tries to turn left on a red arrow & yells at traffic police officer:

Officer: “No sir! Don’t talk to me, Maryland! Don’t talk to me, MD! Roll your window up. It’s not your turn. No to the MD driver! This is not MD, sir.'

Man on the Columbia Heights metro escalator.

Man: '$80 for brunch? Eighty? Eight-zero? Are you sure? Mom, we’re talking about SILVER SPRING, not DUBAI.”

At the Dupont Circle Metro:

“I can’t jump the turnstile! I’m trying to get a security clearance.”

On the bus in Mt. Pleasant:

“PMF was the demise of our friendship.”

Tourist in suit walking by the line for a White House tour:

'This is giving Orlando airport vibes.'

Two girls heading to Baggage Claim at DCA:

“I’m usually not into redheads, but he’s really passionate about Abraham Lincoln.”

Couple on a street corner in Mount Pleasant:

Him: “He was at the library. The FBI had two officers sitting next to him, pretending to be brazen lovers. When he looked over at them, they took his laptop before he could press delete.”

Her: *Makes out with him*

A massive van backing up into a crosswalk near Georgetown Law:

“Hit me, I dare you. I got an A in Torts and will sue you into the dirt.”

At The Wharf, two people on a date:

“What’s your favorite geopolitical region?”

A group outside of Supra on Easter Sunday:

“Did you guys go to church?”

“No. Brunch is my church.”

Spotted on the Blue Line