How can you possibly sleep when there's probably some asshole in Hollywood right now thinking of ways to remake The Princess Bride.

Our player got fined for swearing at Wimbledon. Now I want to stand on centre court and shout.. B.O.L.L.O.C.K.S!!!

I've spent the whole week doing things for other people. I was starting to feel invisible. I've ordered an evil curry. This one's for me.

I'd play Serena Williams. At Darts. Or I Spy

I'm watching the wars nurse pushing this poor cancer patient to take chalky pills. She's gonna blow

A woman just woke up a whole ward AND summoned a nurse with the power of one fart.

Am I in a nuthouse? Now a guy is running up the hall demanding chocolate

So... As all dignity is forgotten forever, Wendy in bed B hurls and has explosive diarrhoea at the same time. Morning Wends.

The God freaks asked me if I carried Jesus with me. I said," if that guy makes my bag all bulgy and weird, I'm not carrying him anywhere.

Back from the framers! Thank you OutOfLeftField, it is perfect!

I'm having a bed bath soon

@ColinRWillis ❤️❤️

Dinner looks Luke 2 Baby wieners on a bed of are you fucking kidding

I'm on an air filled mattress topper which is comfy but also makes me feel like I'm constantly farting. And with tone!

I am in a hospice For the foreseeable future

Thank you for all of your messages. My mother's funeral will be on Tuesday August 11th at 12 o'clock at Beckenham crematorium.

If you cannot attend, then please send flowers ❤️