Big ol set of natural tits in my face rn would fix me

Microwaving the McDonald’s that has been sitting on my doorstep since 4am, I am at my lowest

Sexting in the Uber isn’t illegal but it is frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane

I’m a serial Instagram story liker

Handing unlicensed firearms to homeless people with signs that say “Anything will help”

I need every picture of Sydney Sweeney please

Word travels quick when you get a Prius

Setting my homies up with my cousin so that we can finally be Eskimo bros

My Google search bar puts in overtime

Commenting “hit it first” on my one night stand’s wedding post

If you ever feel the want to self inflict depression and/or suicidal tendencies, just go get your haircut at Sports Clips

Chat is this a good response?

And to think I probably drove home this night

Working on my sleeper build (trying to get my 8 hours every night)

Instagram rizz masterclass

First hot day of the year and my balls are already chafed so bad they feel like a burlap sack