Genius 👇🏻

i like how in media The Wise Ape is always portrayed by an orangutan. this makes sense to me. this feels right

trying to look cool by sitting backwards in a camping chair and seriously mangling myself. they wont even let me collect disability

missionary with the lights turned off but with a night light turned on

brown people i fuck with you 🙌🏻

watching place beyond the pines (2012) and ryan gosling is killed off within the first hour. my knuckles are so white rn. im literally shaking, foam is dripping from my mouth. what in the FUCK

hitler you rascal. get over here 🫂

appreciate you forgiving my trespasses dog. but ima keep it real wit you. im straight up gon trespass again 🤙🏻

if i was a director and an actor started 'chewing the scenery' on my set i would call up alec baldwin to set em straight

everything i know about picking up chicks i learned from ryan gosling movies

(sadly) no that zach bryan song reminds me of her turn it off

(even sadder now) no that zach bryan song reminds me of my old coworker noah turn it off

guy beside me did a a terrible job parking earlier and then when i walked back to my car i saw i did an even worse job. lol

jacking my dick off a little at the urinal just to get a goddamn piss going

just ran over a fox 🦊🚗🎸🔥💯🍻

need a 50 year old fat italian man to lovingly smack my cheek a few times and tell me 'you did good nicky you did real good' then kiss me on me forehead

need me a miranda lambert type bitch. talmbout gunpowder & head

[gf, software engineer, $200,000/year, talking with coworkers]: Yeah, my bf is between jobs right now but he’s looking so hard! I’m so proud of him!

[me, drunk as shit at 9:00 am and lost in the woods, about to pet a skunk from behind]: damn, this cat smoke Loud ass hhell

god created himself in my image

aint no law against reversing down a one way street bitch

i found that exact billy gunn action figure on the ground behind my moms apartment when i was a young lad. so sick