you ever just ...realize some shit?

Money, money, money: Some New Yorkers are so strapped for cash that new, poorly printed notes called "C-Money Dollars" have been seen swapping hands in bodegas around the city.

Crime going down? Although the NYPD has not changed its tactics, in the past few weeks, violent crime and drug crime has been mysteriously decreasing, often by night. Some reports indicate a masked man on patrol. Or maybe it's just a big black bird?

Mark you calendars! Next Monday is city-wide Health Day! Rain or shine, bankruptcy or bail-out, come to your local clinic and get your free check-up!

"Why Walk When You Can Take the Subway! MTA, All the Way!" (sponsored by the Metropolitan Transit Authority)

BLACKOUT DAY 2: CHAOS, MASS LOOTING, AND TERROR CONTINUES

FORD TO CITY: DROP DEAD

BLACKOUT DAY 3: Looting slows down after men in masks and armed park rangers crack down on miscreants

MYSTERY INVESTOR: Never before seen investment firm Gecko Funds has been buying up outstanding bond debt. They have accumulated 8.5% of outstanding bonds. Someone is buying into NYC??? A Savior?

RIKERS INVESTIGATION: The Investigation of the mysterious 5 suicides released their findings this Monday; bodies found altered by a plastic surgeon to resemble mob members, alive 5 mob members still at large.

ANGRY IN UNION: Municipal employees union, teachers union, and the Painters-Carpenters-Allied Trades union demanding wage increases, better working conditions, and more labor unionists in power. CUNY Students are rallying across the city behind unions.

WHO'S WATCHING OUR MONEY?: High ranking officials at the SEC are under investigation for corruption. It seems like they unwillingly took cuts from insider trading-- the gangs have been implicated in threatening them

WORLD TRADE CRAPPER?: Major plumbing issues plague the new Twin Towers today. Office workers report broken toilets, sinks, and a horrible stink.

"Do you want a change? Vote Gibson Mayor 1976 - I get it I grew up here!" (Paul Gibson Jr. approves this message)

ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE? A new study claims benefits of the mind expanding LSD-- it's thought to improve creativity and problem solving skills; the side effects are unknown, but potentially harmful. More work needs to be done to be certain.

A source inside of the NYPD says resources are being put aside to crack down on white collar crime and "fight the financial elite." Is the NYPD going communist?

1975 Declared New York City Year of the Union! Communist organizers are thrilled with the steps City Hall is taking to redistribute wealth.

LEGAL KUSH? The New York Communist party welcomes the change, however city drug dealers and the Good Christian Family Association have become strange bedfellows in protest of the drastic change. State and Federal Law Enforcement are also scrambling to respond.

MARSHALL LAW IN EFFECT. OUR PAPER IS UNDER SUPERVISION. STAY SAFE NEW YORK.

you could put anything in a mason jar and ppl would love it... you could put oppression is a mason jar and sell it.