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Imagine taking a pen as big as the one Rashford took last night. The fuckin buzz you’d get off that would be unreal. Recon I’d bury it

Anyone got a bitch? Teds getting his balls done soon so hoping to get him a ride. Less than half a foot tall, blonde ginger and grey, handsome as fuck, terribly behaved. Apply within.

Combined goals and assists this season: ⚽🎯 Lionel Messi: 56 ⚽🎯 Cristiano Ronaldo: 36 ⚽🎯 Raheem Sterling: 35 ⚽🎯 Karim Benzema: 30 ⚽🎯 Mo Salah: 29 ⚽🎯 Antoine Griezmann: 26

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Doubt I’ll ever see anything as impressive as Messi for the rest of my days like. The amount of times he’s had me in awe is unreal. Greatest human being to ever walk the earth never mind footballer

People that don’t pick up their dogs shit in public places are minks. Proper tink behaviour, sort it out

🔥 Magnificent Messi #OnThisDay in 2011 🔥 #UCL | FC Barcelona

U grape looking slut 🤣🤣🤣

Best Champions League season ever. Been left speechless countless times. Feel sorry for you mongs that don’t like fitba

Can’t wait for this.

Ever had a shower at someone’s house that doesn’t use a scrunchie? Gotta smeer body wash all over your body like some sorta spastic. Cunts are living in the stone ages

What’s your dream? Mines defo zombie apocalypse. 95% of population zombies but not me and my boys. Commandeer Tesco, unlimited booze tabs etc, armed to the teeth. Couple tidy bitches. Not a care in the world except slaughtering that next fuckin zombie. What a life

Two slap baldy whack Grum

Spud pud

Been roped into being a buff butler at a henny on Sunday. I’ll probs be the least buff buff butler of all time but fuck it. Be a laugh hahaha

If you get a message from me about canned meat ignore it. It’s spam