Just a bunch of kids demanding to be traded. x.com/i/events/11609…

You ever have a heart to heart with someone and in the middle they start checking their phone? I hate when my therapist does that.

A fun creepy game I like to play: when someone gets in the elevator ask what floor, but don’t press any buttons.

The captain had a bathtub? No wonder that shit sank. x.com/i/events/11643…

I’m at NewYorkComedyAllstars with some killas. Tonight 8pm. East village.

I double checked, yelling at the gym does not, I repeat, does not make you stronger. Let us lift peacefully.

Coming back home after “doing” comedy: Roommate: So you get a standing ovation?! Me: 🤦🏽‍♂️

True hipster: Global Warming is the worst, but I’ll take 65 in January.

My Russian mom went to Costco to buy hand sanitizer. #CoronaVirus

Maaaaybe not the best example to use right now. #COVIDー19 #CoronaVirus

Honestly, Golden State Warriors needed the rest this season. Always think positive.

Ok Biden and Bernie are for sure 6 feet away from each other. Good shit. #DemocraticDebate

#TrumpMeltdown

Me: ok starting today I’m going to eat healthy. Mom: BTW there’s chocolate ice cream in the freezer Me: FUCK! #quarantinediet

Im staying at my parents so I can’t really protest. They’re over 65 and have a high risk of getting racist.

We don’t need Rogan to moderate. We need Jamie to fact check. #debates2020

#immigrantparents. Full special on YouTube. ❤️🙏

Shaq out here looking like beatle juice for Halloween. #nbaontnt

Here’s how I used creative constraints to get out of my creative slump. #creativity #creativeblocks