wow this m&ms statement is crazy

This new variant is wild

Bold rebrand.

I’m not saying the Super Bowl is boring, but name another show where everyone looks forward to the commercials

It's amazing how quick your life changes after getting a pet. My wife and I spent an hour watching videos on canine erections. Before getting a dog, I used to watch those videos alone

Tom Brady will be great at standup. He already knows how to hide behind an offensive line.

If Jews run Hollywood then why are hidden items in movies called Easter eggs and not afikomen?

"Facial recognition sensor"

Tip For Comedians: ​ There's NO reason to be jealous of your peers. Be happy for them. Every last one of us will eventually get the exact same opportunity, because in the end, this is a very fair industry ​ Remember: Work hard, be nice, and in 75 years we'll all get to be dead

Looking for lost sub: "WhErE aRe YoOoOoU?"

And how did that work out for Jesus?

My one hour stand up show "Live in Tucson" is out NOW on YouTube! Check it out ❤️ youtu.be/aF23p6-Z3uk

wait for it

Trailer for my special, coming out April 4 👀👀👀