You can't unshit your pants.

Salsa is just gazpacho you eat with chips.

My Daughter: Is it morning time?
[I open the blinds]
My Daughter: I want to fart on the sun and smack the moon.
Me: me too, child. me too.

It would be so epic if Elon Musk sold Twitter to me for 100 bucks.

Language is just baby talk we all agreed on.

Hello diarrhea, my old friend.

Y'all should be spreading cheeks, not spreading COVID.

I just ollied with a charcuterie board.

Thicc Cyborg Cop

Fentanila wafers

Snorting a bump of Theraflu® powder.

youtu.be/mwFPwCBJSxs Saint Stereo Listened to this and thought you could have a lot of fun with this track.

Pee so clear, I don't need to flush.

Damn, gurl. U so random I should call you Miss Cellaneous.

We have to paper train America's pet.

Matt, these are assassination coordinates.

Be kind out there. You never know who is on the verge of shitting their pants.

I'm thinking about getting really into menthol cigarettes.

artgobblers.com/drawing/tLD2-aM

The queueen.