I asked for an extra blanket because I was cold the other night (heating still not fixed). I haven’t dared ask for a new bed or something to chew or I’ll probably get a basket and a rubber bone. .

“Don’t forget to put all your clocks forward tonight,” said Piglet. “How much?” asked Pooh. “About five inches, I think,” said Piglet, confidently. .

No one humblebrags like Ricky!

If you rave about Cadbury’s Easter eggs, you’ve clearly never had one of these… .

Whatever I think of this home, the carers are having a hell of a day. New resident arrived in ambulance- since then he’s done nothing but yell, bang on furniture and smash windows. Been in and out of ambulances all afternoon but his wife said‘I’m not bloody having him back!’

Breakfast just arrived at eleven. No explanation why. Hot milk in cereals. No juice. Pretty normal.

Never, ever leave your clothes out after midnight…

@MarindaOnline Most people don’t read books, far less know publishers. They play football or watch tv, or deep sea dive or simply don’t have the time. Twitter skews our world view dramatically. A girl I was hoping to impress with tales of working with Stephen Fry had never heard of him. 🤷‍♂️

Bedtime. For once no screaming, no windows shattering, just the all-night cicada-like rhythm of unanswered buzzer alarms to break the silence.

If Twitter were a pub…

With Twitter Blue there’ll be no more photos like this. Tweet of the Year…

“I’m sorry,” said Pooh as Tigger scowled and laid down his spoon. “I’m all out of antelope and buffaloes.” .

Look-In - no better way to get a feeling for eighties pop culture!

Far more exciting than Jurassic Park…

LATEST: Twitter users win as Elon Musk reverses paid ‘For You’ visibility plan. As you were.

Not sure about our new delivery guys 😬

The second episode of Challenge Anneka only drew half as many viewers. I wonder how many, like me, got it confused with Treasure Hunt? .

Writers are a different breed - to everyone else, Happy Pub Day means something very different… .

Can’t believe they’re making a film of Gwyneth Paltrow’s ski accident! Who’s going to play the skis?

Btw Happy April Fool Day