Gawd ain’t no one cares about Nigel Bates’s film script. #EastEnders

Oh my days Nigel Bates wanderin’ round the Square in ‘is dressin’ gown. ‘E’s fadin’ fast ain’t ‘e. #EastEnders

Look at that awful lampshade what Elaine Peacock’s ordered. ‘Er ‘boutique hotel’ is goin’ to look more like a brothel ain’t it. #EastEnders

Ain’t no one cares about Nigel Bates’s £20 at Epsom in 1998. #EastEnders

Look at Elaine Peacock lechin’ over that poor young waiter. She’ll be up on a sexual harassment charge! #EastEnders

Ain’t it nice that Nigel can remember all about my Arthur’s bench. Ain’t many can these days! #EastEnders

Will Mitchell 18! Don’t time fly. #EastEnders

Honey Mitchell drunk as a skunk in the nightclub! At ‘er age! Who’s lookin’ after poor little Janet? #EastEnders

Ain’t that Lexy a little madam! Rushin’ in with ‘er pantomime! #EastEnders

Oh Vicky dear, ain’t no one cares what your “dear old dad” used to say! Dennis Watts were a groomer and a sex pervert. #EastEnders

Ain’t no one wants Nicola Mitchell’s macaroni cheese. #EastEnders

Oh my days Zoë Slater listenin’ for voices at the beer pump! She’s crackin’ up! #EastEnders

Look at them ridiculous shoes what Elaine Peacock is wearin’. I suppose at least for once ‘er dress don’t look like a prostitute’s. #EastEnders

Denise Fox on a “mini break”! Who does she think she is? #EastEnders

Oh my days ain’t no one wants to ‘ear Nigel Bates’s ramblings while Sam steals Phil’s money! She always were trouble, that one. #EastEnders

Ain’t that a lovely coat what Lauren is wearin’ #EastEnders

Mad Jean Slater too lazy to show up for ‘er cleanin’ job! #EastEnders

Look at Kim Fox, drunk as a skunk! #EastEnders

Look at that Gay wantin’ a threesome with Callum and little Johnny Carter. Depraved! #EastEnders

Oh my, Mad Jean Slater’s on ‘er own planet! #EastEnders