I Parked behind a church & this bloke came up to me & said “ You cant park there ya twat! Shift ya heap of Shit, ya bastard! , I Never knew Vicars could get tourrets!

Good morning. Friday. From the Latin. Come here you sexy little bugger and kiss me.

A lady on the bus say's she is pushing 30. I Assume she means pushing back over!

Oasis reunion starter pack.

Adulthood! Where You are constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.

I'm in a Queue At #Greggs, it's a very Wide Queue ..

I've started a new job, It's Going Well so far, I'm Working as a comedian in an old folks home, I tell them jokes, They don't understand Them, Yet,They still Wet themselves.

Just for once I'd like to see a magician pull a hat out of a Rabbit!

They say it's good luck to catch a falling leaf in autumn. Unless it's still attached to the tree of course!

In a nudist colony do they put dressing on their salad? #Lunchpun

All these headlines about the worldwide gin shortage owing to the lack of natural ingredients. Must be a sloe news day. #Lunchpun

Frankenstein‘s monster had bolts in his neck, and a spring in its step.

My kind of wedding reception.

A Busker once told me he'd Toured the UK With the Monkees, I assume the circus then promoted him to cleaning out The Elephants.

As it's #TransferDeadlineDay I've just seen a man Transfering some of his dog's poo into a little plastic bag.

Chuck Norris? Never heard of her.

Does the name Quasimodo ring a Bell?

How Did A Fool & his money get together in the first place?

I know I'm on hold there is no reason to remind me every 10 bloody seconds!

Pulls in for an application form! As always That's me finished with Twitter/X till the start of October. Be Good But mainly be Kind. 👍🏻