"The question often arises--when a couple fights so much why do they stay together? The answer, of course, is that they stay together because they fight so much. The message is that it is preferable to have an external negative object on which to project the internal negative

"We do all sorts of things to try to superficially fill up the emptiness of our lives and to defend ourselves against this feeling. I have pointed this out as a therapist to patients in my consulting room – and tried to deny it as a patient in my analyst’s consulting room."

Read this and the world will seem a better place. theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2…

Some therapists think the purpose of psychotherapy is to enhance personal agency and help you to change Some think you are a victim of external forces and the purpose of therapy is to affirm and support your victimhood Choose wisely

This week's column is about how frightened we can be of feeling disappointed- constantly denying, falsely reframing or trying to avoid this feeling that is actually the foundation of good mental health. With added Seinfeld and Oedipus theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2…

This week's column is about how we have a tendency to use diagnoses, incl but not ltd to ADHD, to close a door to our own minds - but it doesn't have to be that way. One way to open that door & develop self-understanding is psychodynamic psychotherapy theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2…

Enlightening letter by Sebastian Kraemer on the dynamics of mental health diagnosis

Do we understand this? That psychotherapy works? Of course it doesn’t always[...]But for many, it works. It saves lives. It keeps people out of hospital[...]It can allow people to stand tall when they have previously had to drag themselves along the ground theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2…

theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2… This week's column is about how one of the most valuable things psychoanalysis has given me is not what I wanted. And I give my recommendation for one of the best films of all time. Read on! Share your thoughts. Looks like I'm walkin'...

Thank you Moya Sarner & The Guardian for the shout-out, referring to the BPC website as a place to find out more about good quality therapy. We've recently revamped our 'Thinking About Therapy' Hub for exactly this purpose, so that anyone can learn about finding the right therapy.

This week's column is about growing the capacity to recover from terribly painful experiences, and live your life rather than leaving yourself to cry behind a closed door. theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2…

theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2… This week's column is on the vitality of middle age: "...buying into the “age is just a number” philosophy – consciously or unconsciously – robs us of the valuable experience of feeling rooted in our personal timeline. Of feeling rooted in something true."

Some wonderfully wise, insightful, moving and helpful comments from readers in response to my column from Monday theguardian.com/society/2025/j… (Original piece: theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2…) I love my readers. They are the best readers. And they have such exquisite taste.

This week's column is on the importance - and conflicts - of taking a break, in therapy as in life. And I will see you in September... theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2…