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I stepped on my dog's tail. He gave me a bad review on Yelp!

Trump is att war with Harvard and I don't know who to root for. They both ruined four years of my life.

The BORT license plate from The Simpsons is a reality!

Check out our most popular Substack EVER! We tour LA fire damage with The Simpsons legend Jeff Martin! Read... and SUBSCRIBE! reissm.substack.com/p/his-house-bu…

I’m cruising through the Panama Canal now and it’s like grand opera. It’s majestic. It takes eight hours. And I look around thinking I can’t be the only one bored by this.

Not a great sign to post in a train yard...

Look at all the fun you can have for just 16 cents a day! Subscribe... and UPGRADE TO PAID! reissm.substack.com/p/heres-what-y…

I had the pleasure -- and it was always a pleasure! -- to work with the late Alf Clausen 3 times! He scored ALF (name is destiny), was a godsend on The Simpsons, and so of course he was our only choice for The Critic. Geniuses aren't supposed to be this nice!

This week's Substack takes down Broadway! Read it... and SUBSCRIBE! reissm.substack.com/p/the-tonys

Musk. Harvard. Trump shouldn't fight with billionaires smarter than him.

The world's richest man is fighting the world's most powerful man for the title of King of the A-holes. Destroy each other, lads.

I saw two movies yesterday and this guy had ten times the audience Tom Cruise did.

TRUMP: You know that guy I let fire half the government? Now, I say he's a moron.

Stop saying Tom Cruise doesn't age. He's two movies away from being Walter Matthau.

Another pic from comedy legend @Omarcus. You can tell it's an A.I. fake because Denise doesn't eat spaghetti. And because the crowd is all Denises and Mikes.