More Pinocchios in 2023

This one goes out to those who would never ever post a candid, normal picture of themselves. You do the hard work so we don’t have to.

Everybody should be in therapy BUT we should all have the same therapist and they need to be really good, that would work.

Someone I used to date moved into an apartment close enough to mine that her phone comes up on my Wi-Fi.

Social media, if nothing else, will be a brilliant in-depth documentation of the downfall of our species!

Overheard two adults having an earnest conversation about what they should do about ‘the haters’.

Sometimes I feel like I do have it twisted

There’s too much stuff.

Mandalorian armor is made out of beskar but the dark saber is made out of rice cakes.

I’m at Trader Joe’s and Dire Strait’s Walk Of Life is playing and every single soul in here is bopping to it but holy shit Van Halen’s Panama just came on and now it’s wild in here.

My wonderful sweet mother standing in front of a completely normal door with a completely normally doorknob: “How does this open?”

Sup.

I could write a book about my time in this band… what a dream.

Bought 1 thing at Madewell and now receive a Scientology-level of follow up emails. Folks, it was just a shirt.

In the entire History Of Comedy, no one has ever lost more money trying to be funny than El*n M*sk.

Hard to believe the OceanGate sub was 3000 years ago this week.

This is going to be special and I can’t wait to hear it.

Now let’s do MUSICIANS!!!

DO. THE. MUSIC. INDUSTRY. PLEASE.

We've learned absolutely nothing as a species