Matt Bellassai(@MattBellassai) 's Twitter Profileg
Matt Bellassai

@MattBellassai

gay and overwhelmed. author of EVERYTHING IS AWFUL the book. come see me tell jokes on tour. he/him

ID:238782335

linkhttps://linktr.ee/mattbellassai calendar_today16-01-2011 01:30:07

23,0K Tweets

329,1K Followers

776 Following

Matt Bellassai(@MattBellassai) 's Twitter Profile Photo

the first of my may stand up shows start tonight if you wanna come see me bitch about things in these great american cities (and also florida):

mattbellassai.com/tour

the first of my may stand up shows start tonight if you wanna come see me bitch about things in these great american cities (and also florida): mattbellassai.com/tour
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Matt Bellassai(@MattBellassai) 's Twitter Profile Photo

well it happened to me (i ate all the treats i got for myself too quickly and now it’s time for another and i am treatless)

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Matt Bellassai(@MattBellassai) 's Twitter Profile Photo

what if i started a parenting advice vlog as a gay without children? just letting everyone know what they’re doing wrong etc.

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Matt Bellassai(@MattBellassai) 's Twitter Profile Photo

the last tissue in the box should be embarrassed with itself, looking all raggedy and yellow like that, ending the box on a completely sour note

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Matt Bellassai(@MattBellassai) 's Twitter Profile Photo

so jealous of comedians who made it their thing to sit on stage. standing for a whole hour? truly one of the worst parts of the job

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Matt Bellassai(@MattBellassai) 's Twitter Profile Photo

if any handsome man wants to let me curl up on his lap and let me recount the 600 page book on Queen Elizabeth I i just finished, just lmk

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Matt Bellassai(@MattBellassai) 's Twitter Profile Photo

still thinking about how i went to the times square raising canes in december and they had the original buddy the elf costume on display for some reason?????

still thinking about how i went to the times square raising canes in december and they had the original buddy the elf costume on display for some reason?????
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Matt Bellassai(@MattBellassai) 's Twitter Profile Photo

with every relisten of Cowboy Carter, i get dangerously closer to planning a barn wedding with mason jar lights and hay bales for seats

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Matt Bellassai(@MattBellassai) 's Twitter Profile Photo

nothing more humbling than posting a thirst trap for a single person’s attention and then they don’t engage with it. like guess i’ll fill my coat pockets with rocks and wade into a river?

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