My Android SMS auto correct just tried to change 'Hannah' to 'Hamas'. Good work Google

Just tried to change a tyre on my car only to find the spare was an inch smaller than the others. Glad I'm not on the motorway. ..

Fact for the day. The Enigma heavy breathing panpiped dance song 'Sadeness' was about the Marquise de Sade. Who'd have thunk it!

Ed Milliband thinks a £2 million home is a 'mansion' - in London it's a '4 bedroom semi'...

"I was the shadow of the waxwain slain, by the false azure in the window pane" #NationalPoetryDay

I'd like to drop my trousers to the world/ I am a man of means (slender means)/ each household appliance/ is like a new science/ in my town!

The British Library, less a library, more a bewildering student airport run by Franz Kafka.

Sat in cafe on list of available wifi networks.... "MI5 surveillance van'. Brilliant.

Just did a coffee tasting at work. # bestdayever #buzzingmytitsoff

First day of shooting Rachel and the Wulf. Off to Hither Green... Bring on the eclipse!

C'mon Tiger!

Tonight I told an eight year-old that if he drank and gambled enough he would get an irish accent... #racist

"Fishing relaxes me, it's like yoga - except I still get to kill something"

Does it make me a bad person that I really really want to read Silvio Berlusconi's autobiography..?

Massive thanks to @jameswren1975 for curating an excellent Inaugural Unrestricted View Film Festival @ the hen & Chickens Theatre #uviewff

@jameswren1975 haha! Sorry bout that... wrong wren!

Left camera lenses and some lights in a bag on a train this morning... Arrrgh! Hopefully #southeastern can help!