Healing Work
Trauma experts talk about step 1 being regulate your nervous system.
When I started giving boundaries, giving consequences & saying no, it was the first time in my life I started to feel safe.
My body & mind shifted AFTER my actions changed.
Not the other way around.

Signs of Growth

~you require reciprocal relationships
~when people walk away the door remains shut
~you don't allow others to emotionally dump on u
~your fear doesn't stop you from setting a boundary
~you say no, even when pushed or guilted to say yes
~you matter equal to others

You can create a beautiful life now without being happy and grateful for all the damaging & destructive things that happened to you.
Healing isn't about attaining sainthood or monk status.
You can wish those things never happened to you, not feel positive about them & fully heal.

Healing Work
I had to start asking myself:

1. Is this in my highest and best interest?

2. Do I actually want to do or give this thing or am I afraid to say no, afraid they'll leave if I say no, afraid saying no will start a fight?

3. Why am I so uncomfortable with saying No?

There's a fine line b/w wasting energy on someone that won't change & utilizing energy to stand up for yourself, call out lies + mistreatment & giving consequences.

My life was terrible when I stayed silent
I thought why bother nothing changes
I changed the most when I spoke up.

When you don't feel safe around someone the best parts of you shutdown.

You don't fully blossom in their presence, you shrink.

Please learn to ONLY invest in people who make you feel entirely safe & distance yourself from those that don't.

People accurately pointed out I wasn't vulnerable.
I spent time working on that. Nothing worked.

Until I learned vulnerability ONLY follows feeling safe with a person.
The people in my life were- gossipers, critical, selfish & bad listeners.
No wonder I never opened up.

'Nothing new can happen, no new relationship with yourself or the world, and no real self-care, until you claim your most basic right - the right to be interested in and attuned to yourself without guilt or shame.'

Nancy Colier- 'The Emotionally Exhausted Woman.'
nancy colier

Why do people alway miss the first step? WHY

• When did the focus turn to forgiveness first vs repairing.
• When did reactions matter more than initial actions.
• When did it become expect nothing of others when you give vs those that give nothing should expect nothing.

Knowing who we are is internal self awareness.

Knowing how we’re seen is external self awareness.

Healthy boundaries only threaten unhealthy relationships.

Trauma isn't just the bad stuff that happened.
It's also the good stuff that never happened.

~Dr Heidi Green

Isn't it beautiful to know you can learn and grow at any age
Isn't it encouraging to know your trauma is something you can overcome
You can be & get better from exactly where you are now
Someone else had your exact problem and solved it
You are not alone and you are not doomed💖

Anytime U can't tell someone what u feel, what u need, or an issue u have, the relationship isn't healthy.

If they
leave
punish u
freak out
nothing gets resolved
just bringing it up makes things worse

It's broken. Let it break.
U deserve relationships where issues get resolved.

Growth is accepting someone's lack of effort as their lack of interest in you.

Growth is knowing when someone’s words don’t match their actions, it’s manipulation & you’ll never feel safe with them.

Growth is walking away even when you want to stay and hope they'll change.

If U choose to help someone please notice if they feel entitled to your help.
You're allowed to help once, help sometimes or stop altogether.
An entitled person once told me, 'If you give me an inch I always try to take a mile'.
Watch out for these people.
Help is not obligation.

Healing Work
When your parents neglect you as a child, you learn to neglect yourself for survival.

As an adult you continue to neglect yourself.
You focus on others & this deepens your childhood conditioning.
Every single time you give to yourself you break that training.

I don't want you to attract the right people.
I want you to discern the wrong people.
Attracting leaves your entire experience of life up to the universe.
Discernment puts U squarely in the drivers seat.
U choose who walks through your door & who you walk out of your life, always