Trump indicted and Gwyneth Paltrow innocent = big day for liberal coastal elites

Trying to get the Wi-Fi password at my wife’s great-grandmother’s house feels like trying to find the Holy Grail

Tucker Carlson out at Fox: I did nazi this coming

Maybe if we get lucky the seas will rise high enough to put out all the fires

“I would’ve never gotten in that submersible” - person who has driven drunk seeing double at night on country roads

People celebrating these billionaire deaths like their wealth is being redistributed to them

Burning Man finally takes its rightful place next to Drowning Man, Exploding Man and Electric Chair Tech Bro

Hunter Biden indicted on gun charges and for some reason not a single right-winger invoking the second amendment in his defense

This was hilarious. “Best case scenario for Swifties? Basking in their love forever and 9000 albums to come. Worst case scenario for Swifties? An angry sexy breakup album. Worst case for Kelce fans? Taylor Swift buys the NFL (she’s worth $1.3b after the eras tour) and calls

Diane Feinstein dies at 90, insists she is still effective and refuses to retire

I don’t think I’m drinking enough

Friend: are you dressing your baby as Barbie for Halloween? Me: no, as Oppenheimer

Catch me in The Daily Funny on Access Hollywood!

Check out this comic on the rise: Marc

It is more likely that there will be peace in the Middle East than that I will ever learn the proper way to pronounce Qatar

I’m way too pretentious for the Grammys. Most of the bands I like have under 30K followers

You’ll know we’re living in a simulation when Travis and Taylor break up later this year, he gets in the superbowl again, and she performs at the halftime show and plays their breakup song “Sacked”

Not sure if New Orleans was done by an incel or an Islamist, but either way you know virgins are implicated

Maybe if we get lucky the seas will rise high enough to put out all the fires

Antisemities to the left of me, Nazis on the right, here I am, stuck in the middle a Jew