Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.

How do ghosts stay in shape?
They exorcise.

What time is it when the clock strikes 13?
Time to get a new clock.

Why did the coach put the frog in the outfield?
He’s really good at catching flies.

How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience.

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What do you call a wizard who’s good with ceramics?
Harry Pottery.

Why are Christmas trees bad at sewing?
Because they always drop their needles.

Why did Marie Curie stop dating that guy?
There was no chemistry

Why did the tourist feel disappointed upon seeing the Liberty Bell?
It wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.

How does the Easter bunny stay in shape?
Lots of eggs-ercise.

Me making a mental note to add 'mixologist' to my resume as I line up shots of Allegra, cough syrup, and whiskey to follow my 4 extra strength Tylenol

Imagine a voter base so dumb that if you tell them you're going to take away their arms and right to protect themselves, raise their taxes, and open their borders, they would continue voting for you. Those are Democrats.

The government can't solve homelessness but they change the Earth's temperature if you pay enough taxes? 🤔

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What has a spine but no bones?
A book.

How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group?
Just look for the gray hares.

Where do surfers learn to surf?
At boarding school.

What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.

Why was the Easter Bunny so upset?
He was having a bad hare day.