my roman empire is wondering which employee at four seasons total landscaping answered the phone and did not inform the trump campaign that they probably meant to call the four seasons hotel, thus creating an unrivaled hilarious historical moment.

I asked a new post op patient’s mom if he had any other health problems.. mom said no, this kid said “um yes ma’am I do.. it’s called being hangry”

😂

I have the WORST #PAS2024 FOMO 😩

Some nights this job is really, really hard.

Shitty things happen to sweet, innocent kids & all we can do is pick up the pieces. It’s never enough.

I’ve made a GRAVE error & started talking to a boy who has repeatedly made me smile at my phone today, like a real doofus.

This - of course - means we’re just about 3-7 business days away from some emotional mayhem.

I know everyone thinks “I cry a lot but I am so productive” are the most relatable of Taylor’s #TTPD lyrics, but I’d also like to make a strong case for “I love you, it’s ruining my life”

Tell me you’re in a situationship without telling me..

Doing a majorrrr clean out of all the self care products in my bathroom. It’s an absolute disaster.. how did all of this accumulate?!

But also.. does shampoo (like the color protecting or clarifying kinds) ever expire?

I got botox for the first time ever this morning (I knowww, I’m so vain.. but the wrinkles between my eyebrows drove me crazy) & even though I KNOW it takes a few days to start seeing effects, I can’t stop checking..

Hey pals on dating apps - esp ones like #bumble where the girl has to send the first message - I typically open w/ a question, but feel the need to switch up my go-to options..

Anybody got any good opening questions for the apps? Funny, but doesn’t invite immediate weirdness..

I’m not a dietitian or anything, but I’m pretty sure science supports the fact that calories while on call don’t count.

Just saw a TikTok about people who have pets - and whether you view yourself as your pet’s parent or their best friend..?

I am 1000% Annie’s mother. She is a loud, anxious toddler who loves snacks & I take care of her.

Which one are you?

Rule #3 may also be interpreted as “you’re never too important to change bedsheets” - but be prepared to feel realll awkward wrestling a fitted sheet on a slippery mattress in front of a family quietly watching you & wondering if you’ve ever done this before in your life (probs)

Tonight a patient’s mom told me I looked “wayyyy too young to be a doctor”, and for the first time instead of being annoyed I was.. flattered?

I think that means I really am old. My skincare potions are just working.

Going to work tonight for the first time in well over a week.. do I still know how to do this?! What are fluids? How do we antibiotic?

Also my epic password expired while I was on vacation soooo..

“I cry a lot but I am so productive!” feels like the most relatable Taylor Swift lyric ever written.

One of my partners became a US citizen today & listen - I know it’s a mess around here.. but humans from around the world, standing together & reciting the pledge of allegiance will never not make me misty eyed. This melting pot is the most beautifully American thing there is 🇺🇸

Looking to download something for my kindle to read on flights this weekend.. give me your best fun, light, easy to binge book recs!

Think suspense or spicy romance..

Last week on rounds, as I was holding a 2 yr old to listen to his lungs, he looked me dead in the eyes & reached out to carefully & seriously boop my nose.

Friends, I need you to know that this kind of interaction is the ENTIRE reason I became a pediatrician.

Going to Vegas this weekend & my search for a few outfits that feel fun & sexy, but also not ridiculous or self-conscious on a 34 yr old body that has generally held up but could stand a few less cookies, has proved challenging. I really need a Forever 31..

I’m so suspicious of people who walk/run with no music, no podcast, no pal to gossip with.. just the sounds of nature & their own thoughts?!
Real weird.