Hello Dear Fam: Things in my world have turned a bit crazy-busy... & my time on Twitter will be affected. Nothing bad, nothing wrong, just busy!🙃 Please remember to keep #selfcare high on your 'to do' list & keep those #boundaries secure.

Love & hugs to all.

💜🌹

Tears won't work.
Pleading doesn't work.
Trying to explain doesn't work.
Using logic doesn't work.
Pointing out reality won't work.
Setting #boundaries won't work.
Communicating needs/wants won't work.

What's worse - these things don't even matter.

Not to a #narcissist .

Different things can be true at the same time.

That Pastor can be an #abuse r .

That good deed can have a hidden agenda, a trap.

Being treated well one day w/ hidden #abuse the next.

Never let 'they are such a nice person' lead you away from the #truth of what YOU know.

A #narcissist will make you out to be the abuser, spinning reality w/ just enough credibility that others believe their lies.

All they've suffered, all THEIR pain.

All the horrible things you've done.

Lies.

But others believe.

They're doing this before you know it.

'Helping' may lead to your demise. Abusers rely on those who try to help. Try to soothe. Try to work harder & harder to make things better. A #narcissist will take this & run away w/ it, leaving victims in the dust w/ nary a thought.

You are not obligated to help.

It doesn't matter where it comes from, doesn't matter the cause. Yes, there are tragic stories out there. A tragic story however is NO excuse to #abuse .

Perpetrators often rely on their sob stories for sympathy.

Esp from loving hearts who think they can help.

#Narcissist

Criticizing what you wear, how you style your hair, how you spend your time, choices you make... usually starts slowly w/ slight, seemingly benign comments. Then they become more frequent. Then, threatening. Then, threats may come to fruition.

Watch for early 🚩🚩🚩.

That person w/ tears in their eyes saying 'it won't happen again, I swear' knows it will happen again. Those immediate gestures of remorse (gifts, flattery, fun nights out, making you feel special) are manipulation to get you to stay.

#Abuse returns.

It's a costly cycle, Fam.

Living w/ the mentality of only 'seeing the best in people' can be beautiful, but not if it means overlooking 🚩🚩. Relying on the good times to take priority in your memory to 'overcome' the bad times ( #abuse ) can be a grave mistake.

Abuse typically returns, only worse.

That unkind word may turn into unkind barrages of complaint, belittling, demeaning. The strange unexpected slam of the door may turn into slamming of fists. Those texts checking where you are & who you're with may turn into stalking.

These are 🚩🚩🚩 that cannot be ignored.

I don't use the word 'implore' often, but I'm using it now. If you are in a #relationship where your partner is controlling/abusing you, or recently out & dealing w/ stalking / harassment, I implore you to find resources to ensure your safety. In-PERSON resources.

I can't think of one single time I've heard of domestic violence 'getting better'. I can't remember one single time I've heard that intervention/therapy made a difference... violence continues/d & got worse, sometimes w/ victims paying the ultimate price.

Sobering. Horrific.

Not forgiving your #abuser doesn't make you a bad person. Not allowing ONE more second of mal-treatment doesn't make you a bad person. Speaking up & out doesn't make you a bad person.

A #narcissist smears you to others b/c of who THEY are... the SPIN of #NarcissisticAbuse .

Deep hidden shame of a #narcissist propels everything. Shame of who they truly are. This leads to the performance, need for control, power, superiority, attention. External validation for an extreme lack of internal worth.

Narcs are obsessed w/ 'image'.

As a cover.

It's hard to wrap our minds around this behavior, this #abuse from the #narcissist , as being purposeful, intentional.

Just WATCH how behavior changes however, based on the audience. Based on who is in the room.

Yes they know what they are doing.

Yes they STOP when needing to.

'Jokes' that hurt. Your reaction = you're too sensitive.

Criticisms that sting. Your reaction = not trying hard enough.

Demands going only 1 way. Your reaction = you being selfish (again).

A #narcissist = ultimate SPIN doctor; spinning reality turning victims into villains.

Trying to explain the slowly building & subtle beginnings of a #narcissist #relationship to an outsider can cause frustration & further hurt.

Why can't they understand?

Those w/o intimate knowledge may find our stories too fantastical to be real.

We know they ARE real.

A #narcissist believes she/he is the ruler of your life. Not only their own life but yours also. What to do & when to do it. What to say & when to say it.

Falling outside of these parameters will equal punishment.

Victims may find themselves conforming over time.

#Conditioning

Outside of the law & employment infractions requiring consequences, I can't think of any situations for which an adult should 'punish' another.

Yet punishment is a #narcissist 's bread & butter.

To condition, control, manipulate, exploit, #abuse .

#NarcissisticAbuse