It’s cool that Al Pacino is such a good actor that nobody even batted an eye as he’s transformed into a beautiful majestic lion.

Despite how you feel about someone, even if you think they're a genuinely bad person, nobody deserves to be the victim of a violent act simply because of the words they say.

Exciting news. I have just one more payment on my Apple Watch that I haven’t worn since 2023!

I know a lot of people are joking about this but about ten years ago, my uncle was on an escalator that stopped moving after a few seconds and it really ripped my family apart. He's literally still there. We visit him and yell up to him, etc. But it's not the same as it was.

Wonder which of these places people will focus on

I fucking called it! The second they got engaged I was like yo those two are definitely gonna get married! Called it like right away.

Oh fuck you directions on my new toothbrush

6-7 gives me hope for the future. There's an entire generation out there who doesn't give a fuck what adults are up to & what we're destroying & how much we're fucking up. They have their own shit going on & they're all in on it together & it's fun & it doesn't involve us at all.

Being a parent is so hard. My wife doesn’t like for my son to use the word “sucks” but then how am I supposed to respond when he asks me about the Jets?

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Just hearing about this now. Call me baby! Did anybody say that yet? Am I still first? Call me baby! Like the song but with baby!

This is a really cool name for a network. Because MS is shorthand for a debilitating autoimmune disease that is very sad, and this network name suggests that yes I want that disease, and I want it now!

I guess this op-ed is about personal liberties

Am I crazy or does this blowfish kind of look like Trump?

I’m always thinking about Oz Pearlman’s mom just in case he ever comes at me with that “I know who you’re thinking of” bullshit.

Saw new SpongeBob movie today. Here is my takeaway: Scrubs is SpongeBob! J.D. is SpongeBob, Turk is Patrick, Cox is Squidward, Kelso is Mr. Krabs, Elliot is Sandy. The movie was good but was hard to focus on the plot when all I kept thinking was Scrubs is SpongeBob.

Congrats to Ronan Farrow for skating a great program today!

More dignified than the president.

This is the smallest of small points but Bawitdaba isn’t English either.

“Jeff Epstein the New York financier? I’m pretty sure if there was some news about Jeff Epstein, I would’ve heard.” - Pam Bondi, today

Whoa, look at President fucking Don Quixote over here.