Hey happy birthday!

If you’re ever watching a horror movie and you think, “nobody’s THAT dumb. WHO WOULD DO THAT??? They MUST know they’re gonna DIE!!!” Just remember: there are still people who don’t wear masks in public. #FoodForThought

So what made you cry today?

It’s 100°, ash is falling from the sky, plus we’re STILL in the middle of a pandemic, and yet, every outdoor table at my restaurant is full. It’s official: I don’t understand people.

Definition of #galaxybrain: I wonder if our sun is part of someone else’s constellation.

Can anyone on Twitter tell me why I should be on Twitter?

I’d like to kindly ask autocorrect to please stop changing “xannies” to “cabbies” or “nannies.” I swear, I don’t have a problem and I REALLY don’t need an intervention. But if I did, I’d likely be more annoyed. Either way ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

As of today I’ve been on Twitter seven years. Coincidentally, this is my seventh tweet. Here’s to seven more years and seven more tweets 🥂#cheers

Saw Bo Burnham’s “Inside” in theaters tonight. It was fun at most points, sad at others, and absolutely terrifying when the entire audience erupted into a chorus about barely-closeted supervillain Jeffery Bezos. 10/10 though. #inside

Dear Taylor Swift Question: Red (TV) drops November 12th. My birthday is the 11th. My last day of being 22 is the 10th. What are the odds you release 22 (TV) a couple days early so I can celebrate well and stream the *ahem* correct version? Best wishes, ~ Matt #taylorswift

Felt cute. Might delete later.

If you’d told me that between Barbie and Oppenheimer, one would start online discourse about on-screen age gaps and the other would lead to international controversy rooted in 1940s Asian geopolitics, never in a million years would have I guessed which one would yield which.

At the Chattanooga Film Festival Is On Bluesky, I was very charmed by THE HAUNTING OF HYPE HOUSE. So, I interviewed writer/director/star Matt Farren about how the film's ingenious title came to him, why crowdfunding was the right route, and what's next for the film! Check it out! medium.com/everythings-in…

I will talk about process endlessly and so I’m incredibly impressed that this makes for a quick but interesting read. Check it out!

I’ve decided to solely dedicate my account on the app formerly known as Twitter to sharing the fun things I hear on the Universal Studios Lot, whether it’s funny phrasing, wild BTS (that may or may not be true), or flubs that you wouldn’t believe. Without further adieu:

Heard on the Universal Studio Tour: “The grey house on the right was seen in Bedtime for Bonzo (1951, dir. Frederick De Cordova) starring Ronald Reagan before he was President and a chimpanzee.” #universalstudios #backlottour #filmhistory

A good day to be at the ball park 🤙🏼⚾️ #ITFDB #MLBmemorybank Los Angeles Dodgers #dodgersgame

LIFE COMPLETE! Made it on the megatron at Los Angeles Dodgers stadium