No idea if Tate McRae is good at singing or whatever she does

If you’re an artsy bisexual girl and lack a healthy relationship with your father, I’m on yo bumper

A one two combo that would make Ali himself pop wood. #HaveOneWhiteBoy

A DUI might be cheaper

All good guys, I’ll just wait outside until yall are done

Sorority Formal feels like I got dropped onto the beaches of Normandy wearing a yamarkle and wrapped in an Israel flag

Another day in the office

If you’re outside of my tent rn please be quiet. Tau Tug is tomorrow and I need to be first in line and well rested.

If Jeffrey Epstein and the Rizzler were panelists for the NBA draft I bet Jeff Ep would be finger fucking rizz backstage all draft long

Still weighing out my options mom

Lawyer just told me that having a 15 day streak with a busty goth girl is basically the same as consent

I live my life with the same level of enthusiasm as a 58 year old substitute teacher taking attendance for the special education class

Wonder that if my group members in my 7th grade math Olympiad project knew I cranked it to 80% of their VSCO’s on the reg we would have gotten better than a C+

Hope Pulisic’s sleep score is in the mid 90’s cause watching Agyemang trying to dribble the ball is like watching an Asian chick trying to back an 18 wheeler into a compact parking space

Trump at the CWC ceremony reminds me of when you’re tryna chill and rip slurs with your boys but that one fringe black friend is just ruining it

Just sank 8 pregame beers and am sitting at a triple A baseball game trying to guess if this chick with the rack in front of us is 18. Never kill yourself kids

Goonies never die

There’s a 0% chance I don’t end up on YikYak the way I’m going to be going HAM on these freshman

Pre “Tweaker” LiAngelo Ball was the embodiment of 68 #forgotten #nolove #nospotlight #JewsAgainstCondoms

Go ahead and piss like a puppy #BigDawgs #Alcoholism