every fast food place serves breakfast if you eat it early enough

just now realizing I won’t be alive for whoever the 69th president is, pretty cut up about it

sunshine got me acting different

if I eat 150 calories of one thing and 150 calories of another that is mentally not the same as eating 300 calories

Will Smith has CTE #Oscars

Talk about a punchline!

hot chicks shop at whole foods

april fools but I live by myself. been pranking myself all day!

damn april fools day really kicked my ass

just found out reverse cowgirl isn’t when the horse rides the girl. I’m absolutely disgusted

gonna start practicing my southern similes so get ready

hot girls don’t say excuse me when they walk through a bar crowd

hey Yankee Candle why don’t you have a dog paws scent. get it together

honestly tho kermit there are not that many songs about rainbows

2022 I dance like a baby now

tom brady has been in the league for 23 seasons. that means that if someone had a kid in tom’s first season, they would be 23!