Your son sacrificed his life for this country during Operation Fortnite Chungus. Thank you, epic style.

Rubio: "Let me explain to you guys, Iran is run by lunatics, religious fanatic lunatics"

“I don’t do politics” ppl when the politics start doing them:

Boomers did that thing where you leave one single square of toilet paper and pretend it’s not your turn to change it, but with an entire society

Got too close to a ring for his comfort

I be in her ear like

true story

I don’t believe Netanyahu is dead and I won’t believe it until I can do this to him at his funeral

The type of girl at the pharmacy desk when I go to pick up a max strength diarrhea medication

how hiring managers look at your application when you only meet 72 of the 73 requirements

- Osama Bin Laden in 2001

Nick Bosa when "C Kirk" shows up to camp and he's a black man

This never fails to make me laugh

When the government tells you: “We’re in the same boat”

70 and 80 year old people are generally unemployable due to physical and mental decline but for some reason we allow them to run the entire fucking country.