I’m getting Kush Lash from these election results 🙄

My kids learned to count faster than this

The state of California has more people than all of these outstanding states COMBINED and their electoral votes are in Wtf is taking so long. #unreal

You would think people from Nevada would be good at sitting at a table and counting.

So nice to hear the ghost of Obama tonight

When you laugh —for that moment, the world goes back to normal. #laughter

Family convo tonight Me: I can’t believe the Thanksgiving themed straws I ordered didn’t come today Him: I can’t believe you care this much about straws. What about my green onions 17: I can’t believe they sell caskets at Costco #family

Twitter is the do you want the good news or the bad news first

Three guesses as to where the next super spreader event took place. 🧐

Republicans now are like, Donald who?

I’m going to put out a cookbook, 1001 ways to cook chicken so everyone in your house will never eat chicken again

Mitt Romney said it’s too early for another stimulus package. I’d like to know the last time he has to live for 4 months on $600

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t

One and a two and a three..... on top of spaghetti all covered with cheese... now everyone join in

It’s Monday, my power just went out so now I wait. I’ve heard bad things come in threes

I really like the music for the #airpods ear tip fit test. I keep on “testing” them. Follow me for more exciting and fun ways to waste your time.

Fake people have an image to maintain. Real people just don't care.

@cuppajosh what a sweetheart💕 Thank you so much💋

Things So. Cal. doesn't believe You're "good friends" with any actor You made it from downtown to LAX in 30 min Water falls from the sky

He doesn't find every woman attractive and that is attractive.