You’re quirky (derogatory)

Girl who is a self hating exhibitionist

Calling my fiance a pet racist because he said that fish and crabs etc didn’t count towards having a pet. I DO NOT LIKE THE IMPLICATION IN REGARDS TO MY SEA MONKEYS AND THEY ARE MY LIFE SHARON anyways here’s wonderwall

White guys will do acid in India one time in the 60s and start writing songs about everybody living in a yellow submarine

In and out of consciousness is how I spend my life.

It has come to my attention

me eating the biggest cookie in the world

largest glass of milk in the world: want my milk baby?

cookie monster: om nom nom shawty

sisyphus: you need help pushing that fat thing up the hill babygirl?

international women's day voiceover: this is an ordinary day for a woman

alright pack it up. this is the funniest one

Bro, SWEAR you won't tell my cohort.

Poop Flush™

Assholes: they hate us cause they anus

If you or your chicken ever need anywhere to stay, I’ll make room for the chicken.

Of course I’m gonna cry about it, why would you even ask?!

Using a small dot of toothpaste like “dentists recommend” is Big Tooth trying to give you cavities.

Commit to it. Fill your entire mouth and scream “NOT TODAY DENTISTS”

Woke up and chose to alter

Is that a mosquito bite on your ass, or are you just happy to see me?

therapist told me i need to confront my emotions instead Of putting photos of my dad in the Microwave

Arborio and Risotto would make such beautiful names for twins

thinking about words