*having sex* Her: Be gentle, okay? *10 mins in* Her: Okay, hit me with a brick

I LITERALLY JUST TWEETED THIS AND YOURE ALREADY STEALING IT AND CENSORING MY TOES???

what a fucking weekend i have no words 😭

Post Nut clarity is just coming you your senses

I was sleeping over at my girlfriend’s house last night. Her dad wouldn’t let us sleep in the same bed. It pissed me off cause he is hella handsome. #mrjohnsoncuddles

Trail Mix? You mean M&Ms with obstacles?

Yo where my #bts fans at?!

Responding to her nudes like YIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPEEEEEEEE!!!!! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

I think I am understanding why some girls really like getting this “D” they keep talking about. Been sitting in the sun the last few days I feel pretty good. Vitamin D does rock!

Last year my mom made a lasagna for dinner. I said “Sweet! Dessert for dinner, I love spaghetti cake!” I have not been invited back since then.

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book is just a remix. #rapgod

When will Microsoft edge be allowed to cum?

Onlyfans coming soon but it’s just me paintballing meth heads at 3:00am

Fuck it! I’ma make an onlyfans, I’ll just dress up like your dad and tell you I am genuinely proud of you. I’ll add the milk jug for an additional $5

Piss boi mindset

If you’re older than 23 you were born in the late 1900s Old ass

Why bust a nut, when you can bust a move?

YOU DON’T BUILD A BARN DUMBASS!! WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS, 1785?!