There is no need to speculate on the whereabouts and well being of my daughter-in-law, I saw her just the other day at the place with the thing.

No one else was around to see this though as it was dark and there was a re-run of Taskmaster on at time so everyone was distracted.

Many of you are worried about my health, don’t worry, we plan to have a peasant boy take over the cancer for me

Just remembered that Mother always told the media that Andrew was her favourite son

I am horrified by the latest news of my brother, Prince Andrew’s actions that have surfaced following the Epstein papers. Fear not, we will be taking swift action against Meghan Markle for failing to stop him from being an alleged pedophile.

I am baffled by Australia’s voice referendum. As the traditional owner of your silly little country, my voice and influence over your politicians is already enshrined in the constitution. #VoiceReferendum

It saddens us to announce that his majesty King Charles has passed away
people.com/king-charles-q…

As king I wish to bring my family together and wish to offer Meghan a free driving tour of Paris

Finally, one gets to become a tampon today

Weird, Andrew really wants to sit at the kids table during the #coronation 🤷‍♂️

Even I know the court jesters deserve to be paid enough to live, how else will the peasants entertain those who matter? #WritersStrike

I am literally the head of a Christian Church and I personally sent my ex-Wife to Heaven

I hope I can get to head a bitch soon instead of my usual tactic of using a french tunnel #Coronation

Coronate these nuts

One agrees with OJ, in fact he and I have a lot in common. We both killed our ex-wives.

I admit it, I had Diana killed.

Dear Elon Musk, give me back my blue tick or I will have you beheaded peasant

One also plans to flop out the family jewels and rest them on a commoner's head as they bow to me.

Merry Christmas to the people who still have to work today, helping my brother avoid the FBI

Congratulations to Victorian Leader Dan Andrews.

One hopes to help Victoria grow in the future and personally volunteer my time as one of the free tampons.

Welcome back Donald J. Trump, the Royal family and the Trump's have a lot in common. Born rich and understand the value of incest.