So this guy walks into a bear and is immediately mauled to death.

I am not ignoring you I am paralysed from the brain down

Illustration

Thinking of changing my love language to be "inviting you to things you'll for sure flake out on just so you can still feel included"

Idk why I believe this, but I'm pretty sure Batman would be insufferable on the internet

I never finished this one but it's hanging out in my head

If you say it into a mirror 3 times a recruiter will come out of the floor and talk to you to death about culture fit

If you do calisthenics on Easter it's Pontius Pilates

It's easy to avoid ending a sentence with a preposition but it is excruciating not to end it with "no worries if not!"

So far as I can tell there are only two types of scientists: mad scientists who are hellbent on destroying the world with fracking and AI and bar trivia scientists who go great lengths to figure out if bees have feelings

Wild to see someone post a joke and then spend the rest of the day seeing people mad lib the same joke until the mere sight of the words makes you nauseous. Anyway inside of you there are two wolves

Being bi doesn't make me half gay it makes me gay adjacent

New sticker just dropped! Art from the hilarious Kira MagCalen who captured Phelddagrif energy perfectly.

Watching people become successful at comedy now weirdly feels like watching someone eat a ghost pepper, sobbing uncontrollably but insisting it's amazing

Partner: I don't really like Frasier. Can The Simpsons be our veg out show? **sideshow Bob and Cecil episode immediately queues**

I've been trying to come up with TV shows that = social media platforms Facebook is something that's been on the air too long for anyone to have the nerve to plug even tho it sucks Twitter is Game of Thrones in its final, half assed season IG and tiktok are...?