Scientology commercial was the funniest #SuperBowl

I'm going to pad my number of Tweets like restaurants pad their menus.

I'm going to pad my number of Tweets like restaurants pad their menus with cheese.

I'm going to pad my number of Tweets like restaurants pad their menus (vegetarian).

I have an opinion about the last sketch on #SNL

Tweeting for twelve followers is what Jesus would have done.

Shout out to that kid who asked me if I ever heard that Biggie song called, "It Was All a Dream." Of course, I said, "No."

How do I gracefully transition into using Twitter more for my musings? Should I start by not announcing it?

Oh, yeah, I'm on Twitter. #ThursdayThoughts

An even stranger thing would be me liking something everyone else likes.

"I went from a size 18 to a butterface in just 10 weeks!"-this lady on this infomercial I'm watching

Roy Blunt a cool rap name. #InaugurationDay

From thy Holy iPadth I readith thy word. Amen.

No, no. The eerie singing/angry look on Trump's face split screen is soothing.

"Man, this country sucks"-people who hate Trump, and also Trump #InaugurationDay

I can't fight, so there's no hope for my kids. Maybe they'll be natural killers-- then I can Dexter them down to something more manageable.

Hating Trump feels like a full time job, so I guess he did get me a job. #MakeAmericaGreatAgain

"Beyonce makes me feel some type of way"-#AdelesBlackFriends

"I've got a tight 15"- open mic comic talking about this week's drinking budget