Not to poke holes or anything, but I do suffer from Itchy Orafice Syndrome.

I buy the fancy crackers because I believe you are what you eat.

Instead of watching House at the End of the Street a second time, I'd rather feed a dog chocalate and watch it die.

Self help book for trees: I'm Oakay, You're Oakay.

The pitch for Pitch Perfect was perfect. And now we have Pitch Perfect.

Best line from Gangster Squad: "Mickey Cohen's got nards!"

Claire Danes looks like the girl next door . . . if you live in Transylvania!

Quothe the Raven vine.co/v/bgZvYaiOLYK

Q: What's Road Runner's favorite HBO show? A: Veep! Veep!

Why do they call it a HIatus? They should call it a BYEatus!

My favorite Ernest movie is the one where he gets in over his head.

Q: What's in Barack Obama's pillow? A: White House Down!

(At the will reading for Clarence Darrow's dad) Lawyer: I bequeath all wind to my loyal hound, Rocky. Clarence Darrow: This is bullshit!

Spider-Man comics predicted the rise of web journalism.

The Flintstone's didn't have paperweights because their paper was the weight.

Q: What do they call Lowe's in Mexico? A: ChoLowe's!

If I was Marie, I'd console myself by thinking back to that time Hank yelled at me about the Cheeto's.

I hope they make Night of the Planet of the Apes so I can see some ape zombies!

Elderly rappers play Blingo.

This morning, Google searches for "What's a president?" have spiked.