So far no clear winner in the debate. It's turkey neck and turkey neck

I'M VOTING FOR THE DEMENTIA PATIENT

When fat people swim naked they shouldn't call it skinny dipping. They should call it French dipping.

Raise a glass for Bill Cosby's 87th bday but for the love of God don't drink from it!

I bet they told Biden that someone took a shot at Trump and he was like "not my vice president"!

JD Vance compared Trump to Hitler but that's ridiculous bc Hitler appreciated art

Who's up after Hulk Hogan at the RNC? Mel Gibson's voicemails??

Lester Holt out here looking like Mars Attacks!

Saw a lady at the breakfast place order an everything bagel with cream cheese and ketchup this morning and it's the angriest I've been since 9/11.

Just realized every time my parents told me my dog was going to a farm in PA, they had actually been eaten by illegals.

I'm sorry but Hezbollah refusing to use cell phones because they didn't want to be tracked and then getting their dicks blown off by pagers is quantifiably funny.

Feels like we missed the boat on calling R Kelly "Pee Diddy".

We're on day 3 and Trump is demanding an apology from a bishop for acting like Jesus

If the Palestinians take refuge in Ireland, we should call them Pal O'Stinians

Trump's bringing back plastic straws but that has Trump Jr written all over it

Good for the gov of Maine. It takes a lady with balls to stand up for trans rights

If Elon Musk cared any less about you, you'd be one of his kids

I'm still workshopping this joke but Elon Musk is a Nazi piece of shit. Check in later for more!