The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.

Sometimes the only thing that people see is WHAT you did. When in fact, they should be looking at WHY you did it.

I wish I had a job where I could just punch stupid motherfuckers in the face all day

Next time I cut out eyes in a painting to watch people from behind the wall, I'll use a portrait instead of a landscape

we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well

It seems right now that all I've ever done in my life is making my way here to you.

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty

Boyfriends are like fires, they go out when left unattended!

Q: What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off? A: Spit, swallow, and gargle.

Exercise should be regarded as tribute to the heart

After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: What? Boy: When you fell from heaven Girl: Aww! Boy: CUZ UR FACE IS MESSEDDDD UP!!!

I always lock my front door before I get in the shower 'cause if a killer broke in & heard me singing I'd be HUMILIATED

All intelligent thoughts have already been thought; what is necessary is only to try to think them again

Sow your wild oats on Saturday night; then on Sunday, pray for crop failure.

Humor is laughing at what you haven't got when you ought to have it

Every generation needs a new revolution

it pains alot when the person that made you feel so special yesterday makes you feel so unwanted today.

But I do love going for a run in the morning with my dog

If love is great, and there are no greater things, then what I feel for you must be the greatest.