Basketball is funny. It’s team A looking around going what? We didn’t do that! Then team B looks around and goes huh? I didn’t touch him! Then team A…

How the crap is she so cute?

The commentators for the reds game needed a Red Bull or something. Like at one point I was concerned with their sleep patterns. Hope they’re doing alright.

I’m just a girl, staring at a nine week old puppy, begging it to sleep for ten more minutes.

Aren’t we technically already in space?

The tweet was brought to you by half a glass of wine and an absurd amount of trail mix. And it’s rhetorical.

Tonight my dogs played for the first time and I’m sobbing.

I like how different sports coaches dress. Like basketball the suit jacket comes off, hockey it stays on, football is team logo from top to bottom. Sometimes a crop top sweatshirt you can’t unsee. Baseball they’re like “hey little fella wanna wear the costume? Matchy matchy?”

The minute this pup isn’t asleep only my lap it’s back to rewriting an old pitch to an old script Ive been asked to dust off, then working on the new feature and rewriting an old one. But you guys… this puppy is asleep on my lap and I’m melting. So much to do but yup. Melting.

You see, I planned on being productive. I had the best intentions…

Struggling with migraines due to damaging one of my eyes over the summer. From crying too much. Like it’s bad enough to mess up your vision but damn is it humiliating to do it from crying too much when your dog died.

The hungriest I ever am in life is the moment I turn out the lights to go to bed. I could suddenly go hard on a steak.

Naps: you get to have a little bit of unconsciousness, as a treat.

They’re singing happy birthday to someone next door and it Pavlov’s dog’d me and now I would kill for a slice of cake.

'Did you miss us?' 🤣

Had someone who has to postpone so I have room for one more. Dm if interested.

Since I posted that pic of some douche bag basically naked calling himself a DILF, here is a palate cleanser. Last night Lola fell asleep with her dinosaur.

I miss when there was this show we all communally looked forward to on Sunday nights.