Glendale has such bad vibes. I bet the whole city was built on an Ancient Native American burial ground.

I’m so glad I have a job as a Lyft driver so I go on auditions to be a Lyft driver. Wait, what?! (brain explodes. Then dies.) (comedy.)

Hit songs I write in the car. This is My Hand is in the Sour Cream.” instagram.com/p/BvADuR6gUjp/…

I just showered and got ready for the day while listening to the 1986 Transformers Movie soundtrack and I’m legitimately ready to turn into a car at some point today.

I would talk smack about a lot of movies and TV shows but there’s a possibility I could be on them, so everything ever made is “Pretty damn great!”

My latest toy design. Much like me, you can’t tell but he’s very happy to be here. instagram.com/p/BwNGmAmAoUI/…

Just paid my health insurance for the year! Time to celebrate by playing in traffic!

Finally made a bucket list. It’s full of places to get fried chicken. Not sure I’m doing this right.

“If your mom didn’t suck so much cock, you would have a brother.” -Science

I’m genuinely not sure if I like Billy Joel cause I’m from the East Coast or because I’m an old man.

“If I was a pimp, I’d have been a raunchy one for sure.” - my Dad just now.

Just tried the LA street diet! It’s where you eat any food from 7-11 and then have to take an emergency shit on the street. It’s going well.

I just got caught drawing a penis on a dirty van window by the driver. How’s your day going?

November 12th Gallery1988 come see some of my limited 1/6 scale mashups at the Action Figure Show. 7-9 pm is the opening! I promise bomb ass toys and sick ass merch! 🤘🏿👀

Why would I dress Salacious Crumb up like a kitty cat? You’re just gonna have to bring your buns out to Gallery1988 Saturday November 12th to find out at the Action Figure Art Show. Opening is from 7 - 9 pm! Be there or be lame!

Next Saturday peeps!!! November 12th Gallery1988 Over 20 custom mashup 1/6 scale figures!! Come check it out baby!! Deets on the flyer!!

Just posted a photo @ Gallery 1988: LA instagram.com/p/Ck8ko7UJ7jk/…

Just posted a photo @ West Adams Historic District instagram.com/p/Ck8ngF8JaXf/…

I’ve been randomly texting people in my phone photos of Randy Jackson. Now it’s time to give Twitter a taste.