I've been awarded my first ever promotion today 😁

I've seen like 5 dead bees in the last month. Believe me I'll give them a spoon of sugar water if I can but so many dead bees. What's going on?

Yo he aprendido español por un año. Feeling pretty good about it #Duolingo

"You'd get bored if you won the Euromillions, what you do every day?" Good point, I'll stop dreaming of lounging on a sun-kissed beach and am now satisfied with doing the same work week in week out 5 days a week

Shocking analysis from Single Homeless Project that 1 Londoner is forced into homelessness every 11 minutes. We’re calling for action from the Govt. And you can help us get Londoners back on their feet and a place to call home for good by donating shp.org.uk/donate/christm… #HomeThisChristmas

Hey, Boris Johnson ya sleaze-bag. I've got £4m, get me in The House of Lords, we can turn this country in to a Russia type situation and you can be leader for 20+ years. Lets kill democracy... Thats what you want, yeah? Call me xo

Hey Boris Johnson will you come to my 30th birthday? I hear you like to party

Yooo new Netflix series coming up with deep lines. When your past is your present, how can there be a future. There can't. You become stuck in the present with your past. Daaamn!! #Thegirlinthewindow

Its fxcking #2sday!! Where's the party at?

I'm in danger, please someone help me. Need $$$. DM for details of where to PayPal. Please. You can help

I dont want to call out Monzo 🏦 but.. a 1% AER up to £2,000 account for an account that charges £5/month just doesn't add up. I'd be paying £60 a year to earn £20 interest... Like???

Who wants to give me these odds for the FA to try to screw Arsenal. Game vs Tottenham to be rearranged to Apr 27th

I'm on to you Ricky Gervais . You pretend to be woke so you can show your true colours on stage or in your writing and claim them as a joke. You're just a horrible little piggy bloke

My girl is funny 😂

When I wake up to the view and sound of the sea with the prospect of playing bat and ball, I'll know I'm exactly where I want to be

Think I'll have to just stop driving when it gets dark. I may as well drive with my eyes closed since I'm already blinded by the headlights on some of these cars

Are Londeners rude, or just introverts not wanting to make conversation?

If I was 7 foot 8 inches I'd commit to playing basketball, and be guaranteed a spot in the NBA for being tall... should I leave my finance job to go recruit very tall children for the NBA?? 🤔

The worst professionals right now are domestic delivery services. Post Office can't deliver their letters to the correct address, Yodel can't follow basic instructions & Amazon.co.uk chuck n run. If you want poor service, order an item online and wait for it to arrive