Nearly half the British public seems to think that illegal migrants outnumber those here legally. In fact legal migration outnumbers illegal migration by at least 10 to 1.

I still think this is one of the greatest videos ever created, and the fact that it is actual audio from a Presidential debate makes it even funnier.

I can’t stop eating remote controls. I have a large Zappertite.

The ex-footballer with his own fragrance is My Cologne. #pbd

Just read a great book called The Irish Spy Game by S. P. O’ Narge.

My boss made me stay late at work and showed me a sign saying OFF. I said, That’s not ON.

The reason they’re painting flags on roundabouts is because you always give way to the right on roundabouts.

“Basically the trick is to keep them painting roundabouts, sticking up flags and hating foreigners so they don’t realise we are serving our rich donors.”

I wonder if they’ll put barcodes on them? bbc.co.uk/news/articles/…

The local donner manufacturer and local sheesh producer have been working together. It’s my favourite food kebaboration.

Grandma may have been a spy in her youth. Perfect! 😂

Today would have been Gary Speed 56th birthday. Gone but never forgotten Speedo 🖤🤍 #NUFC

it's real support from actual racists

Hi Go North East. What’s happened to the 53 this morning @ Theatre Royal. @ 7:55 your app, not the timetable but the app, says the bus is due in 5 mins. It eventually comes round the corner of Grainger St @ 8:07. I had to leave at 8:26 for alt travel to work & it’s still there.

I don’t know why but apparently French bakers don’t like nice women’s underwear. All they do is Boo Lingerie.

You know that live action Disney film series where the VW Beetle has a mind of its own? I’ve just seen one where the car becomes a vegetarian. Herbie 4.

John Cleese was asked which actress he’d most like to star in his new comedy and he replied Jane from Barbarella and the 80s keep fit videos. The name of his new film? A Wish Called Fonda.

If the lead singer of Led Zeppelin does a cover of Atomic does that make him a Nuclear Plant? #LedZeppelin

Bloody main guy from Black Eyed Peas. Who does he think he is? Writes the first four letters of his name in lower case but then adds the last three all in capitals. Coming over here, giving it the big I AM.

#OnlyConnect Is there somewhere we can send question suggestions?