I feel like my tweets never hit right because I can’t convey my award-winning Liza Minnelli impression in my writing

The moment my dentist told me I have a nervous tongue, I blacked out and became some sort of gay cruise comedian monster.

To be fair, we always knew Twitter was the worst…

Gosh it feels good to be a total muscle hunk

One day Mona Lisa’s gonna smash back

Free drag king name: Fistian Siriano

Just saw someone out walking in a Starbucks hoodie drinking Starbucks and I’m obsessed

Not me screaming in favour of a beheading at Medieval Times…

My community service will be having a glory hole drilled into my headstone

Waiting for an Uber. Legit just got passed by two kids being walked in strollers loudly having an argument about whether Metallica says they want fuel, fire, and THAT which they desire or THOSE which they desire.

For some people, Lady Gaga’s creative output changed their lives. For me, it was when she was on Drag Race and said that your saliva gets your blood out of fabric.

Hell hath no fury like a middle aged gay who says something sassy in a text and needs to screenshot it for social media.

I was today years old when I realized how problematic the name of the restaurant my Mom worked at during my childhood was. There go my fond memories of The White Spot.

Not me following a couple in IKEA to listen to their fight

Free drag king name: Gary Bussy

Well now we know how The Crown’s gonna end…

Brb, opening an industrial metal-themed male strip bar called Nine Inch Nudes

I’m so glad I put on this bathrobe to eat Taco Bell

Sometimes I catch a glimpse of my queer self and I’m like, “Dang, 3/4 of my relatives would have burnt me on a stake.”

How dare they put a gay couple in the new Hellraiser and no one says, “I will tear your hole apart.”