John Botelho (@johntellsjokes) 's Twitter Profile
John Botelho

@johntellsjokes

Comedian who writes about sports. High school baseball coach. Always puts his shopping cart back. Retired 5.0 Lyft Driver

ID: 29697894

calendar_today08-04-2009 11:53:24

17,17K Tweet

863 Followers

905 Following

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Imagine if after years of pretending to boycott the NFL the thing that finally pushes boomers out is a wildly good half time show?

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Weird pet peeve but I think less of any movie that doesn't line the actors names up with the actors on the cover. Probably a result of spending too much time at Blockbuster growing up but I will always judge a movie by its cover

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Playoff Schwarber somehow has even more power than Regular Season Schwarber. Feels like every October he hits a ball so far into orbit that it could be tracked as a celestial object by NASA

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Well at least now we know why it takes years to film new seasons. Turns out Stranger Things forgot it was a show and is releasing a bunch of movies to finish off the series

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Ohtani only doesn't play the OF because he's too good at pitching. Nobody in sports has ever been as impressive and completely dominant at every aspect of the game they play professionally as him. Ohtani is better at baseball than sliced bread is at being sandwich ready

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The dodgers best players are all hall of famers that another team developed and failed to sign to a long term deal. Mookie Betts, Freddie freeman, Shohei Ohtani all won MVPs w/ different teams & Blake Snell won 2 Cy Youngs before becoming a Dodger. Blame everyone but the dodgers

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That's the worst part of her grift. She achieved more athletically than almost every human ever but since she's clung to hating trans women people have (rightly) pointed out that she lost to women. A 12-time All-American rebranding as a huge loser is also incredibly impressive

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At this point Tommy Edman deserves World Series MVP consideration. Just absurd game-saving defense at least three times tonight. Thanks to a bunch of MLB owners who are ruining baseball by not paying their good players when they hit free agency the Dodgers have built a juggernaut

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Imagine going to a baseball game, spending $150 on a steak, then getting something so over cooked it's like chewing on a catcher's mitt

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Bumgarner also batted 16 times during that insane playoff pitching run. Didn't get any hits but part of the reason he was able to pitch that many innings is bc the Giants didn't take him out of the lineup. With no pitcher spot in the lineup now guys should be able to pitch deeper

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1st things college coaches ask me about are a kids grades, how they treat their parents & how their teammates feel about them. Talent is usually why we're having the conversation but everyone theyre recruiting is talented. Coaches/scouts want players they trust on & off the field

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Jay's special should've come with a warning for people who aren't in good shape. Damn cardio workout laughing that often for an hour