John Gilligan (@johngilligan2) 's Twitter Profile
John Gilligan

@johngilligan2

Las Vegas Based Comedian, grateful that I was accepted in this exclusive club. My favorite color is hazel.

ID: 435539270

calendar_today13-12-2011 05:15:23

1,1K Tweet

6,6K Followers

6,6K Following

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My signature move on New Years Eve is to turn on every light in the house, so as a dad, I have that reference point for shouting about leaving lights on.

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On Sunday I’ll turn 53. That’s the age where you stop calling them Altoids, and start offering people a “peppermint”

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Recent guest, to my wife “Your house plants look so healthy” Me “Yeah, you’ll never convince me that boogers and pocket lint are bad for them”

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In the 1920’s the Packers coach would give his team a halftime talk and a pepperoni. This was later shortened to a pep talk

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When I tell people my cousins are twins, the question is always how do I tell them apart. Jacqueline always wears a ponytail, and Brian is a dude.

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Husband “There’s a package here from the florist” Wife “It must be from your girlfriend” Husband “She’s not stupid” Wife “What” Husband “What”

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Stuck in Honolulu airport because United Airlines is horrible. A 6 hour delay, flight rerouted to add an extra hour to the flight, followed by missing a connecting flight in LA. Totally unacceptable way to treat veterans