Let me take a break from my very busy day and oppressive to-do list to listen to every single song by Fruition✨ and make a Spotify playlist. Don't tell me how to be productive, I've got this.

If you want a life partner and haven't decided on one yet I highly recommend finding one who will hee-haw at donkeys just to make you laugh

Omg

I have a friend who's learning accordion during her quarantine and every day I am thankful that we don't have any accordions here

I’ve been married for almost 28 years and I just realized that when my husband counts on his fingers he starts with his fingers extended and closes them as he counts. This quarantine is exposing all kinds of shit.

conservatives a month ago: “why should we listen to the government and stay home? you are all sheep, this is a free country!” conservatives today: “if you just follow the government mandated curfew, the paramilitary police stormtroopers won’t shoot you in the face, it’s simple”

Done. #BlackLivesMatter 📸 // John Merrick Media

Look, the carping media will focus on the in-person attendance numbers, but the important thing is Trump dominated a national TV news cycle and got out his key message that he wants to reduce coronavirus testing to conceal the scale of the epidemic.

Oooooooo, this is good: defeatbytweet.org

Did we mention it's our birthday AND #NationalFriedChickenDay? 🥳 RT for a chance to win $1,000 in Bojangles gift cards. Ends 7/6/2020 at 11:59 p.m. EST.

Y’all I just thought of a really great tweet but I just pledged to be totally positive for the rest of this campaign and this would definitely violate that pledge so let’s just say you’ve got one waiting for you after this is all over.

Of course we wish well all who are victims of #COVID19. However, we must call to account those who have ignored the advice of experts & chose to endanger themselves & others and thus become victims - that includes the President of the United States.

I don’t want to jinx anything but this Panthers game is way more fun than I expected

NYT Spelling Bee says "titian" is not a word. Nancy Drew's hair begs to differ.

I wasn’t close enough to shake his hand when offered

I just watched chocolate week on Great British Baking Show. The brownie challenge? Embarrassing, Britain.

I’m at the “buy the squirrels a saloon and tiny pumpkins and set up a squirrel cam” phase of the pandemic

Barroom Brawl

“What the hell are you doing?” Eagles fans are frustrated af. The Eagles blew this game against the #Cardinals #AZvsPHI