Today starts Hate Week. You can get a jumpstart on that by attending a Trump Rally.

Lynch / Ripley who ya got? I got Ripley.

It’s Plan your epitaph day. Mine will be “Who thought it was a good idea to give the 103 year old road head?”

It’s Walk in the Sand day, which will be followed closely with “You brought all that damn sand into our house” day.
#jokeoftheday

Today is Palm Sunday, again, sounds like it should be sponsored by Porn Hub.

It’s National Tamale Day, and if you’re a friend and don’t send me a tamale you are in fact dead to me.
#jokeoftheday

It’s National Goof Off Day and I am celebrating by not writing a joke for this entry.
#jokeoftheday

It’s the first full day of Spring. Celebrate by bitching about how it’s too cold to be spring.

It’s National Let’s Laugh Day. Might I suggest you watch NOT DEAD YET on Amazon Video On Demand.

It’s National Awkward Moments Day. For the unpopular kids that is all of high school. For the popular kids, that is you post college job search.

It’s Saint Patrick’s Day. If you are sober enough to read this, you already failed.
#Jokeoftheday

It’s National Learn About Butterflies Day, AKA National LSD Awareness Day.
#Jokeoftheday

It’s National Earmuff Day, sponsored by Pornhub. (If your man doesn’t get it, chances are he doesn’t get it.)
#Jokeoftheday

It is 1 week until National Bubble Week. You have one week to start dating a woman named bubbles.
#jokeoftheday

It’s National Napping Day. A day I celebrate every day of the year.

It’s International Women's Day, which I just found out isn’t celebrated by sleeping with a foreign chic.
#jokeoftheday

It’s National Be Heard Day. Might I suggest texting in ALL CAPS TODAY!

Today is the National Multiple Personalities Day, so a good time to reach out to that ex who was fun but exhausting.

Today is the National Pound Cake Day. If you see Pound Cake as a compound noun, you may have a food addiction. If you see Pound Cake as a verb/noun combo you may have a sex addiction.
#jokeoftheday

Today is Simplify Your Life Day. Might I suggest a breakup.
#jokeoftheday