So there’s no Epstein client list? 🤷🏼‍♂️

If I ever get up to like 300 pounds please kill me

Just got titty pics from a female person of color!!

Got a company-wide intern day next week, so what did I do? Went through the email list an connected with all the baddies on LinkedIn. Life ain’t hard, folks. Everything you could ever need is right in front of you. JUST GO AND TAKE IT!!!!

What’s your favorite position?? Doggy. No, shortstop. I’m too short and they tell me to stop

I want to find a girl who makes me as happy as I am when I hear the words “open bar”

I swear to god if the crock pot isn’t fired up when I get home from work, the wife is gonna have hell to pay

I’m about to go play pickleball (cooler tennis (gay ping pong)) and then eat some smash burgers. Ts is everything a brother could’ve dreamt of

Bobby Boucher’s grandma in water boy is a fucking bitch- I don’t care if he loved her.

Fireball, Spotted Cow, ANY Porter- S Tier Twisted Tea, Captain Morgan- A Tier Every Lite Beer - B tier Whiteclaw, High Noon - C Tier Carbliss, Michelob - D Tier Water - F Tier Bud Lite - Gay and Cringe (never forget)

My Dual Mindest I long for the times when a woman yelled at me for getting too drunk. If a woman ever yells at me for getting too drunk again, she will catch a cold right hook to the jaw.

Omg I’m soo boreddd

I personally don’t have any particular issue with black people; however, I can only count on one hand the number of “those folks” that enjoy being in the presence of

You guys need to get on my level. I ain’t been doing nothing but win

The Two Towers is EASILY the best movie of the lord of the rings trilogy. I will rape anyone who disagrees.

If I ever get a dog, and it’s too scared to jump into the pool or the lake, we’re putting that sorry little bitch down.