Attention U.S. Postal Service tipsters - our triple-encrypted voicemail system is very limited in space, so please limit your messages to only the actual tip. Repeat after me: JUST THE TIP JUST THE TIP. Thank you.

If you work for the USPS, or UPS, or you can spell UP, please email [email protected]. We will help you set up a GoFundMe and make a tape of you sounding like Barry White while you read a script I wrote.

Jacob Wohl is my spirit animal.

The next person who says my hired whistleblower Richard Hopkins is really JD Harmeyer from the Stern Show had better lawyer up! And that includes you, Gary Dell'Abate. They look NOTHING alike. Much.

I don't know what #twitterguyisoverparty is all about, but if it's about me you'd all better lawyer up.

He literally made a speech about this

I printed this out for my new “Wall Of Accolades I Deserve But Will Never Get”. Accepting theme song submissions and plushie suggestions.

@jlonghofer4 LeGate Project Veritas I'll bet there are unverified Tweeters who spend HOURS crying in a fetal position, consumed with bitter envy over the injustice of LeGate having that precious, priceless, oh-so-beautiful checkmark... blue like a robin's egg gifted from the heavens above... Not me though.

I am The Kraken. Goo goo g'joob.

The only thing more powerful than my self-importance is my self-loathing.

Where do I get my pardon thingie? There’s still time, right?

Isn’t it amazing how my attorney is able to keep calling me a “journalist” with a straight face? Very impressive.

Big plans for more paid “informants”, misleading videos and loads of unearned self-importance in 2022! I’ll continue to perfect the art of keeping a straight face when I call myself a “journalist” via techniques developed to fool lie detectors. (Two Words: “sphincter control”.)