it's so insane how confused your body must be during a bachelor party. it has no clue what might come next. "why is he having a banana? he just had a horse tranquilizer."

please let me write on june squibb’s off their rockers

how long has rodgers the musical been running?

I would like dedicate myself more to watching the drew Barrymore show

i miss all my chelly babies, my desert dawgs, my festie besties, my blaze brothers, my hippie flippers, my shoulder bois, my mdma marauders, and all my peeple who had a real good time

I only like bands that could at the very least possibly play a Grateful Dead song live

hell ya, gambling

My 3 year old is like a mall kiosk guy when she’s trying to get five more paw patrol episodes, “deal! shake my hand.”

.NBCUniversal my partner sleeps with a minion next to our marriage bed

sometimes I just sit trying to remember stuff

amazon always asking me to tell them “how we did” ummmm seems like you’ve done pretty well mr billionaire u sent yer girlfriend to space and do whole food now

I will be drinking nonalcoholic white claws out in public all day long all summer long and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop me

wife is still calling the rat pack “the rat brothers”

phish crew rolling into tour opener

real question: is adam silver allowed to clap?what situation would he clap in while watching an nba game? #NBAFinals

congratulations to me i once again held my phone all day

representation matters

can’t stop saying, “it’s not clocking to you that im standing on business”

whoops didn’t see any fireworks but I did look at my phone all day

family