Broke: Matt Damon with SuperValu bag
Woke: SJP listening to Lyric FM
Bespoke: Kacey Musgraves on the tear in Galway

This is a sitcom premise

My Malaysian friend told me she has never met a white person with such a high spice tolerance.

There was a newfound respect in her eyes that I hadn't noticed had been missing until that moment. I will ride this high to my well-seasoned grave.

anyone that watched Baby Reindeer and afterwards thought “oh let me try and find this woman on social media and engage with her context” is tapped

The luas driver played the 'pickpockets may be operating on this tram' announcement and an older man standing next to me looked me up and down before edging away. Happy Saturday.

I just did a reformer pilates class and at one stage we were balancing on a little box on the sliding mechanism and I genuinely feared for my life.

Have any Irish people discovered how to watch this legally?

This is kind of like Richy Craven's Christmas story of chaos, except in the voice of a modern crypto bro and with more product name drops than you can count.

This is the plot of a future Liam Neeson film

Being kept awake by loud roadworks outside and have just received this message on bumble.

Have I died? Is this hell? How much do we need roads anyway?

On a recent date, the guy I was with said the place I work should be shut down and sold to the highest bidder for parts. 💍

🐶 Still no owner found for this lovely little dog.

🚆 Arrived off 19:25hrs Portlaoise to Heuston on Friday evening last, believed to have boarded between Hazelhatch and Fonthill.

👨‍✈️Being well cared for by station staff.

🙏 please RT so we can find the owner!

A problem with Twitter being called X is that when the news credits it as a source, it reads like a cute text message with a kiss at the end 🥴

American husband just realised it's Seachtain na Gaeilge and not Shocking at Gaeilge, which he thought it was. Genuinely just thought it was a lol name for a festival to help people not be shocking at Gaeilge.

Amanda Holden might not see your tweets, but your friends who work in radio or pantomime might. Check on them today.

All I’ve ever heard about Conan O’Brien is what a sincerely lovely and generous person he is. My favourite Conan story apparently happened years ago (back when he was hosting “Late Night”). They hired a new writer. And to help welcome him to the show, they organized a lunch out…

Conan O’Brien is the funniest ever and there will never be funnier

Someone could post the saddest tweet you have ever seen and the thread will be naked chicks doing the Gluck Gluck 9000, it’s wild what this app has become lol

Can’t stop thinking about the time where my aunt went to put a condolence on her friends ma’s RIP thing and instead of saying “may she rest in peace” it autocorrected to “maybe rest in peace” and she then had to ring actual RIP for them to change it ☠️😭

Lads, who's coming with me? I haven't been able to use my heckles on Alison Spittle in far too long.