Happy Mardi Gras

TONIGHT! 6 or 7 amazing comedians sure to deck your halls! At 8pm at Hi-Ho Nola for a mere $10, we're going to have a very funny holiday time!

My old church camp nickname

I’ve participated in many comedy competitions during my tour and @stonedvsdrunk is definitely one of my favs. Come warm up with us Wednesday night at the @hihonola! @isaackozell hosts. #neworleans #jadeinamerica #getjaded

I've been getting nosebleeds all week. I don't know what's causing them, but at least I know I'm not pregnant

People are always like "Is it squirt or is it piss?" I think of squirt like a tomato. Is it a fruit or a vegetable? I'm not sure but it tastes good so put it right in my mouth

I'm doing comedy at Bayou Boogaloo and GZA is headlining the fest. Wu Tang Forever.

If you call and I don't answer, just follow up with a text. The only voicemails I listen to are the ones on rap albums.

When I was a little kid I had to save up my allowance for three weeks just to buy one of those prank handshake buzzers. Think about that the next time you see a toddler with an iPad.

New Orleans! Hot show tonight 🔥 Urban South Brewery will be in the house with beer and Driftee THC seltzer tastings 😎 eventbrite.com/e/stoned-vs-dr…

Great news! Now if we can just legalize misoprostol gummies and seltzers...

New York! I'll be in town for a week. Let's hang!

You can't say anything anymore. Back in the day my grandma lived in a trailer park. Now I have to say that she lived in a "tiny house community"

Everyone saying that Biden did a bad job at the debate clearly didn't notice that he did a little bit of cussin'

Starting in 2025, the stand-up comedy show with a built-in drinking game I cohost with Isaac Kozell (wait, what? a comedy show + drinking game) finally has a new home in New Orleans! Every 1st Thursday we'll be at @sprtsdrnk!

The New York Times games are bullshit

My new holiday album is available on all streaming platforms. It's twelve tracks of me messing up the words to all of the songs because I was raised Jehovah's Witness

The best way to tell everyone that you suffer from premature ejaculation is to set off fireworks at 2pm in the afternoon

New Orleans Wednesday Night 8pm at Howlin' Wolf laughlife.standuptix.com/events/stoned-…

Big news! I've been keeping my head down, working hard, and moving with purpose. It's been a long time coming, but I'm happy to announce that this morning the old lady in my neighborhood just upgraded me from "baby" to "nephew"